Things. They could be great. And the only difference is what I do daily.
My 3rd years played my game yesterday. They definitely won’t have enough time to do much (a few of my students almost completed the paltry story I had) as they graduate on Saturday. I was glad to see they both had fun and felt somewhat challenged by the game. I’ll hopefully have more to write as my 1st and 2nd year students play it.
But it got me thinking… Should I be spending so much time making these games? Because, as much as it can be useful, it’s also time spent that I could be making better activities for the students in their normal classes. Why don’t I work on more interesting physical activities, instead of resorting to the same ten activities that make up 90% of my classes?
Part of it is that I’m hitting a small lull. I hesitate to call it depression, but it’s a general feeling of apathy for everything I’m doing, likely brought on by doing so much right now.
What am I doing exactly?
- Playing Tales of Vesperia* (mainly), Radiant Historia, and a smattering of smaller/mobile games.
- Making 2-3 games. I progress bit-by-bit with each of them, and thankfully still feel passion for their creation.
- Planning and making activities for my elementary school English classes, and occasionally feeling like I should be contributing more in the middle school.
- Maintaining a relationship. For all the good it is, I do wish I had more time with friends though.
- Writing for this blog and writing for myself.
*Tales of Vesperia is so good. My God. I have no idea why I stopped playing it. These characters are pretty stellar and the plot… The plot! Not bad, Namco.
In truth, I have it pretty good. I’m not struggling to do the things I want. Rather, the problem is choosing one thing I want over another thing I want.
But for the first time in a long time, I feel like I need a vacation. Or a reevaluation. Or maybe more sleep? Because things are feeling sluggish.
Counterintuitively, one thing that’s been in my mind is the lack of physical exercise recently. More specifically, I haven’t been running or biking. The winter means the sun goes down early. In the past few weeks however, it’s started going down at a reasonable time. Sometimes the 45 minutes spent running or biking make me feel much better as I get down to work the rest of the night.
I know that completing Tales of Vesperia and Raidant Historia will both make me feel less of a burden. Which sounds odd, because I’m enjoying both games a lot. But I feel as if I also want to have fewer games in progress. Or perhaps, I want to be playing new ones in addition. Because I really want to play Yokai Watch and Bravely Default. In the end, I’m not entirely sure why I want to be finishing up these games I enjoy.
Break The Routine
As I write this, it becomes progressively clearer that I’m not a good judge of the relative importance of things. One thing I’m sure of is that things have been feeling weird recently. Therefore, the only thing that I know for certain is that I have to make some kind of change.
What do I have in excess? What am I lacking?
If I remake my routine, I think some of this will flow naturally. Start from zero. I’ll re-add things that feel important and see if they make a difference. Should I work on games every day? Should I spend more or less time with teachers after school? Should I go home early?
In any case, the school year ends this month. Teachers will change. It’ll get warm soon. My dad is visiting at the end of the month. My girlfriend is starting a new job. The release of Xenoblade X is approaching.
What will it all mean?
Guess we’ll find out.